Are you down with down?

I think geese must be very warm animals. I suppose they need to stay warm because they float around in ponds and honk most of their days. If they're not swimming, they're flying, which would also require some warmth. The geese at the park near my house spend their time consuming massive quantities of stale bread crusts and pooping on the walking path. If geese could be obese, these geese would be obese. So what am I getting at?

It has just become winter here in the sweltering city of Mobile, and winter requires different attire and a new setting on the thermostat. Our house is drafty, since I guess in the 1940s people were shorter and generated more body heat, therefore eliminating the need for insulation. (Stay with me here). My bedroom is the coldest one in the house because of the number of windows that don't seal correctly. So last night, I got out the down comforter. It was a big decision, and one I didn't make lightly. I even consulted with my wise husband, Jay, who said, "whatever you think, Merrill." Lights out and the night of the inferno began. I was sweating after approximately five minutes. I tossed around all night, pulling up the covers, then throwing them off with the enthusiasm of an Olympic shot-putter. I will say I like the way down comforters have a gentle sort of crackle when you move around. Even when you thrash around because you feel like you are "en fuego."

So I've determined that I'm not down with down. Unless I lived in an igloo, or if I were stranded on the North Face of Everest and my Sherpa had turned back and left me with only a can of baked beans and some dried fruit. Jay thinks that I produce too much body heat, or BTUs (British Thermal Units or something). I have a high metabolism and I'm always cold because all my body heat is leaking out. This leaking is trapped by the down and creates an inferno effect. Plus, they make down comforters with different ratings, and ours must be rated for high altitude survival and the Arctic Circle.

You may ask, why did you not simply get up and switch back to your normal comforter? I'm not sure. Maybe I just wanted to give geese a chance.

(In no way do I intend to demean geese and their lovely feathers. I have a profound respect for their thermal capacities and I believe they are most generous in donating their down for the sad naked humans who have to wear clothes to keep warm, and must board airplanes to fly here and there.)