Awww, junk

Today I took inventory of my junk drawer. It is always a good thing to do every once in a while for organizational reasons. You discover some things that don't deserve to be in the “junk” category, plus things you have been looking for and couldn't locate. Like my husband's wisdom tooth. Man, I've been wondering where that was. Now I know. You can also locate things which can be sold on ebay, like pieces of toast resembling the virgin Mary, or my husband's wisdom tooth, which may be a world record winner in the ginormous category. Anyway, this is a very long list. But I know at least one friend who likes lists (you know who you are Ms. Tiny-notepad-friend-whose-first-name-rhymes with-Mennifer). Really this was a very interesting project. I find some of these contents to be hilarious. I will try to give explanation when needed...Here goes:

Junk Drawer Inventory, Year of our Lord 2006
State of Alabama, 2nd Drawer to Left of Sink

1. Pet nurser (we found a passel of kittens in our attic a couple of times)
2. Syringe (4) these are the non drug user types used for administering medication to babies or animals
3. Tube of Amazing Goop(TM or whatever) this has not been used successfully yet
4. Gerber daisy seeds
5. Scotch tape- it says it's magic
6. Instructions for meat thermometer
7. Pink training chopsticks for babies-these are so neato. They were sent from my friend (Hi Friend with rhyming name!) who lives in S.Korea. They have little plastic loops so the child can learn where to place their fingers. And they're joined at the top. Very cute.
8. Dirt from the Field of Dreams- I kid you not. My lifelong friend Meri brought this back for me many many years ago from the actual Field of Dreams in Kansas. At least I think it's in Kansas. But this dirt is in a little plastic capsule, and it is from left field. The label also says “The Ameskamps” who I assume are the owners of the farm whose field became a place where dreams came true. I have always felt proud to have this dirt. Even though I don't like Kevin Costner. I do like James Earl Jones. He is in two of my favorite baseball movies (FoD and Sandlot). I also like The Natural.
9. My husband's wisdom tooth. It is contained in a tiny yellow box with the words “smile power” on it. I think a box made for containing your teeth that have been extracted should not say “smile power” on it. Aren't you losing your smile power with every tooth that comes home in a box? In any case, this tooth is creepy and astounding to me. When Jay first brought it home I was appalled and amazed. This monstrosity came out of my dear husband's mouth. It is a classic tooth with all four roots, like the ones you see with faces on little yellow “ smile power” boxes. This tooth mysteriously became a Christmas ornament one year. It was tied on with a little piece of twine.
10. Knob to junk drawer
11. Extra keys
12. Scripture memory cards-(5)-these should clearly not be in this drawer. It does symbolize my past efforts at Scripture memorization, but these were the ones I actually succeeded in memorizing.
13. Broken mini rainbow slinky
14. Batteries
15. Utility knife
16.Extra buttons- various
17. Cuff link
18. Alphabetic magnets- I bought these for my daughter a while ago, and was ticked off when I got them home and it said what almost every toy says: Not intended for children under three years of age, small parts, choking hazard. I guess when kids turn three they can't choke anymore.
19. Shot gun shells (4)- 12 gauge
20. Terracotta bird. I was sad when he fell off my little bird bath. Then I was sad when his tail broke off. One day I might use No. 3 on this little guy.
21. Millions of twisty ties
22.Cell phone car charger- for undetermined cell phone
23.Packaging tape, clear
24. Screw drivers (2)-Phillips head
25.Needle nosed pliers
26. Tiny metal beads, various shapes
27. Men's silver ring (FOR SALE) This was a gift rejected by my dear husband. He said it is huge. Maybe we'll use it for a baby bracelet.
28. Sewing kit
29.Bendy straws in wrappers (5)-these are sanitary
30. Alabaster swan- this was brought back by Jay from Egypt as a gift for my friend Jessie, it just hasn't made it to her yet (4 years or something and counting). I won't keep it, Jess, because I have one too. You might like it, I think it's nice.
31. Glittery red cat-eye sunglasses- purchased in CA, sort of crusty looking now. Does anyone know how to de-glitter something?
32.Mini mag lite- doesn't work. My dear husband just confessed that he tried to pull a Macgyver and fix it with tin foil, but it didn't work.
33. Car visor sunglasses holder
34. Wendy's spoon (good condition, still in wrapper FOR SALE)
35.Baby advice cards- this is one of those, ooh they have cute borders, I might cut them and use them one day. Right.
36. Rubber bands
37. Water proof safety matches
38. Campmor (TM) zipper pulls
39. Hardware for daughter's pink car
40.Travel toothpick case- this is very nice. It dispenses these pretty toothpicks that are sort of carved in the middle. I want to give this to my dad who is never without a toothpick.
41.Extra automatic car unlocker thing
42. Fan button for 1984 Mercedes 300 Turbo Diesel. This was my car, Big Rig Jr. He is now retired to my parent's estate in Milton, Florida. Ahhh...sun, a swimming pool, a garage, and a new drive train! This button, by the way, is the one that would fly off when you hit the button beside it. Very fun. I have a very soft spot in my heart for this car. There are two similar Mercedes diesels in my neighborhood and when I hear them lumbering my way from a block or two away I sigh, and place my hand over the soft spot in my heart. I always thought this car would be great for the show "Pimp my Ride." Not just great, it would be awesome!
43.Our insurance agent's business card. No offense to him that his card found its way to this drawer- he is a great agent.
44. Knobs for unknown items
45.Hardware for unknown items
46. Chap Stick brand chapstick (2 tubes) one is SPF 30. I've been looking for that one. Chap Stick is my preferred brand. What a creative name for this product!
47. Trivets (for hot pots) these have been relocated as part of the Junk Drawer Relocation program. They've been released back into their natural habitat.
48. Repair patch for inflatable baby pool
49. Lovely pewter ice scoop. Also relocated per JDRP.
50. Christmas fridge poetry magnets
51. Briggs and Stratton fuel stabilizer tube. Appears to be some sort of liquid Kryptonite.
52. Mercedes Benz wrench. Also needs to be reunited with Big Rig Jr.
53. Cookie Duster stencil -only Martha Stewart would send me such a thing.
54. Phone line splitter-makes your one phone jack able to hold two phone cords! 55.Meat tenderizer-Relocated per JDRP.
56. Straw and top for undetermined water bottle.
57.Chip Clip
58.Allen Wrench- I always liked these because my brother's name is Alan.
59. Putty knife- I always liked these because my sister's name is Putty. (not really)
60.Foam earplugs
61.Bottle opener key chain from Alamo Rent a Car. I think this dates back to those fun "free stuff" fairs in college.
62. Battery compartment cover for undetermined battery compartment.
63. 16 cents-one dime, one nickel and one penny
64. Adhesive magnet strip
65. Chandelier candle cover. These make it look like your fake candle is real.
66.Cable ties. My husband loves these. He organizes our extraneous cords with these so they don't run amuck near the outlets. It is one of his many talents.
67. Old Navy credit card- I guess a junk drawer is a good place for a credit card. My husband would like me to say to you that he refuses to carry this card and that I signed up for it one day to get a discount.
68. Extra thread for blue shirt
69. Outlet protector
70. Nails
71. Fire extinguisher clip. I hope it will work without this.
72. Super glue, almost gone
And that is all, folks. Wow. I've worked up an appetite.