Wedding Stories Cont.

Here is story numero uno from the wedding.
The Pies and the Keys

It was a lovely evening in early March. The eve of a wedding, the night before the blessed event. There was a chill in the air and the azaleas feared a frost. The bride was late to the rehearsal, blame it on the pies. Key lime pies. Coconut creme pies. Lots of them. They were stowed in various vehicles in the church parking lot. Time was running out for them. They needed to be on ice and they needed it quickly. There were two coolers and some ice in various other vehicles in the church parking lot. What was to be done? They asked me. Probably not the best person to deal with a problem of this magnitude. So I did what any bridesmaid would do, I delegated. Unsuspecting young friends Nathan and Hannah sat complacently in the back of the church, not knowing what I was about to ask of them as I ran down the side aisle to confront them. A mission. A harrowing mission that would call forth all their powers of strategizing and all their mental fortitude. I handed them five sets of keys. Set one was for a white Isuzu Rodeo, set two a black Pathfinder, set three a green Honda Accord, set four a beige minivan, and set five an Audi convertible. I told them-go find the pies-search every seat, every trunk. Find the ice. Find the two coolers. And hurry up. The pies are melting. They laughed with a nervous expression on their faces, but they were up to the challenge. With keys jingling, they set out, and I resumed my post as a bridesmaid. Time crept by. Key lime pie. They wouldn't fit in the coolers. So a big silver freezer bag saved the day.

Why Weddings are for Weepy Women
This one is obvious. Weddings are emotional events. Therefore, emotional people love weddings, and I daresay most emotional people tend to be women. Rehearsal dinners are emotional too, but there is a certain expectation of great memories being retold and baby pictures being shown, and a gathering of generations. These are emotional, and also good. It is a time to reflect, rejoice and look to the future as two lives merge. So I am not ashamed to say I cried at the rehearsal dinner. I've never seen such cute grandfathers.

24 Dead Goldfish and a Flourishing Orchid
This story is one of those "you had to be there" stories. Which is sad because I laughed so hard I was literally crying/laughing uncontrollably (ironic how emotions get intertwined at times). This type of laughter is soul cleansing. And it only happens every once in a while. And no one ever laughs like the two or three people who were "there." So I will just say that Cary and I were driving around downtown Mobile, waiting for our third car occupant to rejoin us when we saw a not so friendly group of men walking our way. We instantly felt vulnerable, and me especially since I had a bucket in my lap containing 24 goldfish. They were sloshing around, oblivious to the danger. Not only this, but I had a lovely orchid, (Thaleanopsis I think) brilliantly purple and blooming it's heart out, on the floorboard at my feet. It was like a botanical garden, only in my side of the Audi convertible, which really isn't equipped for any type of botanical endeavor. So as I feared for my life, realizing my vulnerability and lack of ability to make a speedy escape, Cary and I were struck by the bizarre humor of the situation. And here is the headline we drafted for the Mobile Press Register, as the tears rolled down: Former Lapel Pin Winner Found Dead in Downtown Mobile-
body surrounded by 24 dead goldfish and a flourishing orchid-
foul play is suspected